I’m running the Chicago Half Marathon this Sunday. I’m a tad nervous because I just signed up for it 2 weeks ago and haven’t been “training” in the technical sense. I’m planning on doing miles 7-13 on pure adrenaline. If only I could have Shaq there giving me some motivational singing…
I love me some Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Last week they did coverage at the Democratic National Convention in Denver, CO, and the opening skit was absolutely hilarious. They mocked every memorable beer commercial…I really love the news team on the show now, they are awesome together. Rob Riggle’s Coors commercial is spot on.
DMX (AKA Earl Simmons) has gotten arrested about 100 times in his life, and this is a video of him showing up for a court hearing to receive the bad news that he was going to be behind bars for another month. If I was the judge in this situation, I would have demanded that he rap the entire “And Then There was X” CD and then explain why he thought it would be a good idea to be in “Romeo Must Die.”
Side note #1: Here is the myspace profile of the woman who got the restraining order against Shaq. She seems tough, but I think I could take her/rap way better than her. Nice stage name, Alexis. Reeeeeeal original. That would be like me changing my name to Crack Cocaine and seeing if Darryl Strawberry would go out with me.
Side note #2: Here is an article about Obama bashing Cubs fans. I’m sorry, but this is really the wrong way to go about winning votes. Although he has a point, whenever I go to Wrigley I pay no attention to the game…
Here’s a cool song by Ugly Casanova called “Things I don’t remember.” Let’s make a list:
1) Most of this weekend.
2) Why I’m not dating an NBA player.
3) Why I never tried to do stand-up.
4) Most of my engineering degree.
5) If Malik is straight.
Just some thoughts.
Some lady named Alexis Miller took out a restraining order on Shaq. I’m not even kidding. She lives in Atlanta and she and the love of my life have been dating for the past 6-8 months, but she claims that he “stalked her, threatened her with bodily harm and made harassing phone calls in which he breathed heavily into the phone before hanging up.”
Where do I even begin.
First of all, Shaq laying on top of ANYONE could be bodily harm, and she should have known that going into the relationship. It’s common sense. Secondly, how is Shaq calling and breathing into the phone harassment? If anything, he was probably just pausing to make one of the ridiculous comments he always makes, like that he’s the big Aristotle or that he just killed some Shoguns. I also need to add that Alexis is apparently a rapper. Does anyone need further proof that I need to be dating him? I am an awesome rapper, and could probably handle the stalking a little bit better than her.
It sucks if Shaq is actually trying to ruin this woman’s life. But it also sucks that it could’ve been me. Full article here.
There is a movement called the Amethyst Initiative that is trying to lower the drinking age in the US to curb binge drinking in college age students:
“(AP) — College presidents from about 100 of the nation’s best-known universities, including Duke, Dartmouth and Ohio State, are calling on lawmakers to consider lowering the drinking age from 21 to 18, saying current laws actually encourage dangerous binge drinking on campus.”
If you think about it, the drinking age is lower in almost every other country and they seem to be more responsible with driving and handling themselves. Maybe lowering the drinking age would make teens more mature about the situation. I know in Iowa everyone started drinking in about 8th grade, so I don’t know how much it would change things there. Here is the full article on cnn.com.
When I lived in LA, I went to a wine tasting club that was hosted every week by my friend Jesse (Young Winos of LA). Basically every meeting I went to ended drunkenly debating various things, and me sarcastically ridiculing whoever I could. He just made this music video which is legit, I must say. Check out his website www.makemeyourvp.com. Props to Jesse, I guess learning to play guitar to impress girls worked out totally to your advantage.
I, personally, cannot WAIT for football season.
I’m in a sand volleyball league here in Chicago, and we are in the middle of playoffs. Individually, our team isn’t great, but we have been on a roll for the past few weeks. We are in the same league as Malik, and would probably totally dominate his team to the point of embarrassment. Here’s a clip of the move I’m practicing for this week’s game. If only I wasn’t 5′3″…
I find it hard to believe that Shaq’s penis fits in this SmartCar, let alone the rest of him.
Full article here.